Today my husband came over and we discussed down and dirty, nitty gritty logistics of our separation. We are talking money, household contents, you name it, it was brought up in the name of division.
I'm not totally sure what it means that I cried for about half of the time we were together. I don't know what it means that he told me I "looked nice", that we ordered some pizza together or that he wanted a hug when he left. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean what I'd like it to mean. I think it just means he's a nice guy. Which is more painful you know, can't he just be a royal dick so that I can at least convince myself that I'm better off without him? I see him and it's like...my whole life flashes in front of my eyes - kids, household renos, weekends away, long chats on the couch...and then he leaves (and I shamefully watch him drive off from in between the curtains, sucker for punishment, I know) and I see the life I have planned instead. Which is well thought out and fabulous, I guess I'm still just accepting the fact that it doesn't involve him.
I told him tonight that I believe in my heart that, someday, he'll regret what he's done. And his response? "I hope not." I hope not?! You better know not, mister. This isn't like something that you change you mind on and can go back on. We are listing our house for sale. I have secured another place to live. My family has already written you off. You had better know not.
I'm not totally sure what it means that I cried for about half of the time we were together. I don't know what it means that he told me I "looked nice", that we ordered some pizza together or that he wanted a hug when he left. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean what I'd like it to mean. I think it just means he's a nice guy. Which is more painful you know, can't he just be a royal dick so that I can at least convince myself that I'm better off without him? I see him and it's like...my whole life flashes in front of my eyes - kids, household renos, weekends away, long chats on the couch...and then he leaves (and I shamefully watch him drive off from in between the curtains, sucker for punishment, I know) and I see the life I have planned instead. Which is well thought out and fabulous, I guess I'm still just accepting the fact that it doesn't involve him.
I told him tonight that I believe in my heart that, someday, he'll regret what he's done. And his response? "I hope not." I hope not?! You better know not, mister. This isn't like something that you change you mind on and can go back on. We are listing our house for sale. I have secured another place to live. My family has already written you off. You had better know not.
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